Catching Up

We've been busy having fun! It was our ward conference this past weekend. Growing up I never even noticed when it was ward conference, but it is a pretty big deal in the Tongan Stake. On Saturday we had a BBQ and carnival at the park. It was so much fun! The primary was in charge of the carnival - so I was pretty busy, but it turned out great. I think the kids had so much fun!

Here's Hema giving the bean bag toss a try.

One of the young men demonstrating how the fishing booth is done.

The kids loved all the games, but it seemed like the face painting was the favorite thing we did. Sister Mataele seriously painted faces for over 3 hours. She is so talented!

After the carnival, I got the kids in bed and then put together 8 fruit baskets for our stake Primary presidency and Stake presidency for Sunday. I think they turned out great! Honestly, what we I ever do without Costco's fruit?

The baskets ready to go.

On Sunday Little Hema was assigned to say the 6th article of faith in primary. Although we have been working on it all week, he was having a hard time with some if the words in it. He was so proud of himself forgetting up there and saying it all by himself. I was pretty proud too! It's amazing how much he is learning and understanding already. Jason and Brandi had us over for dinner on Sunday. We didn't get any pictures, but as always they made delicious food. Ribs, Chicken, shish kabobs, yummy salad, Italian sodas.... it's always nice to have a great meal that you don't have to cook! Hema and Vela have so much fun with Hunter and Halle. We are so lucky to live so close to them.

Today we got up and headed up to Rock Port. Hema wanted to check out the camp site where he is going with the young men and women for youth conference in a few weeks. (Which by the way was pretty sucky! No electricity and a pavilion that fits one picnic table. What kind of group site is that?) While we were up there we tried to do a little fishing but it was too windy and the kids kept snagging their lures and breaking their line so we gave up and headed home. We stopped by the outlets in Park City for a little shopping and then headed home. The kids talked us in to stopping by the TGP farm for a quick wagon ride, before we headed home for FHE.

The kids always love to pose on this fake cow.

On Mondays they have a little craft for the kids to do. Here is Vela's little cow. We went on the wagon ride (pulled by horses) and watched them milk a goat too.

The weather has been so nice, it finally feels like summer is coming. Hema just has 4 more work days until summer! Although he still works some days in the summer and at his other job, he is definitely home lots more and we can't wait!

On my list for this week: finish up my sewing projects, Hema starts his summer swim team, get my garden planted!!

Faith

This is about the tenth time today that I have sat down at the computer to blog. Each time I can't quite put my thoughts into words. My heart is so full right now and it is hard to balance wanting to share the amazing experiences we have been having and feeling like I need to protect the privacy and emotions of those involved as we wait to see how things unfold. This process of adoption is amazing. My faith grows so much as we go through this process each time. Certainly my faith in God increases as I am reminded time and again that this whole process is in His hands. He knows what is best for each of us. He knows how to heal our hearts. He can and will answer our prayers. I have truly seen miracles throughout this process of adoption.

But also my faith in the goodness of people has grown immensely. It seems that even under the most difficult of circumstances, when a situation seems like it should be so overwhelming and that there is no way to make it right for everybody involved; somehow people step up. They make decisions that are greater and more difficult than they think that they can. They allow themselves to be stretched and to grow and to become even better. It is an absolute miracle to watch and to be part of and to (I hope) become better myself. I am amazed at how quickly our hearts become intertwined with people that we have known for a very short time. It is next to impossible to explain the love we have for them. It is heartbreaking to watch them worry and struggle with situations that we have no control over. I find myself praying constantly that they will be lifted, that their burdens will be made lighter, that angels will attend them and that the Lord will heal their hearts. It is an amazing process to pour your entire heart into something that you have very little control over the outcome of. It is a leap of faith - faith in God and faith in amazing people that we meet along the way. We are so blessed to know them and learn from them and love them.

Sneak Peek

This is a sneak peek for my sisters. These are the colors of the sewing and quilting projects I've been busily working on. I absolutely LOVE these colors (which are much prettier in real life - but I'm no photographer) and can't wait to finish them all up.

And why not throw in a few dinosaur museum pictures.

Playing in the erosion table.

By the big shark with grandpa Hawkins.

Faith Through the Eyes of a 4 Year Old

This morning in Sacrament meeting I had this conversation with Hema:

Hema: Mom, do you think a pirate is strong?
Me: Yes
Hema: Well Batman could beat any pirate.
Me: Okay, that's because Batman is stronger.
Hema: Well Jesus could beat Batman because he is the strongest in the world and has the power of the Holy Ghost so he could do anything with that power.

Even though it made me chuckle imagining Jesus taking on Batman, it made me smile that he believes Jesus Christ is stronger. Trust me that is a big deal for a boy who has a serious obsession with Batman. In his own little 4 1/2 year old way, he was expressing that is faith in Jesus Christ. I love every minute of being this little guys mom!

Groovin'

Here is my little guy shownin' some moves at his preschool graduation.

Some kids were a little timid when their names were called... not my little guy... he just marched right out there like he owned the place. Afterwards I asked him what he was doing and he said he was doing his "robot walk".

I love this kid.

Daddy's proud of you little buddy!

Graduation Day!!

Our Little Hema is officially a preschool graduate! He has been so excited about graduation from preschool for several weeks now.

You can see the excitement on his face!

The graduates colored a picture of themselves. Can you guess which one is his? Yep, it's the darkie in the middle!

Vela was thrilled to be there. She can't wait until she gets to go to preschool.

But no one was as happy as Hema! You should have seen him strut across as they called his name. Totally made me laugh!

Here's his part from the program:

Hema and his amazing teacher Mrs. Jensen. You can't really tell this but that thick old book he is holding is the scrapbook she made for each kid. She makes a personalized one for each child. Almost makes up for all the scrap booking I haven't done in the last year!

Hema's cheer section: Grandma Hawkins, Vela, Mom, Hema and Dad. We were so glad that grandma is home from California and could come. We sure did missed her!

After graduation Hema wanted to eat calamari and swim at the "bucket place" (the Lehi Legacy pool that has a huge bucket that dumps water on you). What a fun day to end the school year! We are so proud of our little graduate!

Monday Fun

We sure are enjoying the warmer weather. Hema took a group of student fishing today at an urban pond in Sandy (he tries to work fishing into everything he does: work, church callings, play, etc...). So we decided to head up and hang out with him. We packed a picnic lunch and ate and then played on the playground until the students left. Then Hema helped the kids fish.

The playground was really fun and the kids loved that it has a big fish in the middle.

Here are the kids doing a little fishing. Our neighbor, Hema's little buddy Jackston, came with us. The boys didn't catch anything. Probably because the kept throwing rocks into the water.

Cooling off in the shade with some cold drinks. This isn't the best picture, but I love how tan Vela is! She's our little chocolate princess!

We had a fun FHE tonight. Vela insisted that we sing several rounds of "Popcorn popping on the apricot tree." It is so cute how she loves songs that have actions to them right now. Then after the lesson, Little Hema wanted the activity to be a paper airplane contest. So we all made airplanes and then went outside to see who's could go the farthest. It was really fun! It's funny how the littlest things can be so much fun with kids. I think we will definitely do that again.

After FHE we planted our new tree. Hema reinforced the fence again and then threatened the horses that he would eat them if they touched the new tree. They looked pretty freaked out! Ha ha! They should be though, he is pretty sick of replanting that tree and Tongans are known to eat horse!

A Warm Weekend

Hema had his last day of preschool on Thursday. This week will just be graduation practice and the graduation. I still can't believe he will be in kindergarten in the fall. I am so excited for him - he will love it. But a little sad for me and Vela - we will really miss him around here every morning!!! For the last day of preschool they went to the park. They played games, had a pinata, at lunch and celebrated the summer birthdays. Hema was so pleased to have his birthday celebrated.Here is a relay race. Hema is really competitive and loves to race.
Vela and I played on the playground while we waited for him.

The weather has been great this weekend. We did a bunch of yard jobs on Saturday. I also did a bunch of spring cleaning. Man, I need to clean off the top of the plant wall a lot more often - the dust was nasty. Here's a little tip that probably everyone beside me already knew: vinegar is a fabulous window and mirror cleaner. It does stink and the smell lasts for several hours, but it cleans very well and leaves no streaks. I love looking out clean windows! We also got a new tree to plant along the back fence. Here is a tree from the front that was planted the same time as the original tree that got eaten by the horses in the back. It is about 15 feet tall and looking great.
Even though the picture is dark!
Here is our current tree along the back fence. UGHHHH!!! The thing has once again been eaten down to a stub. Bummer!!! I can't remember if this is the 2nd or 3rd time that I have replaced this tree due to the horses eating it. I can't give up on a tree along the back fence - I really want a tree there! My nice neighbor did some major work back there on Saturday reinforcing the fence and hopefully this will be the last time we replant that tree!

I love Sundays and I love having church at 9:00. It means naps and lots of family time in the afternoon and evening. The kids wanted to go fishing, but of course that was a no on Sunday. So instead Hema put weights on their poles and they practiced casting in the back yard.

Yes, Vela is in her PJs. She likes to get cozy after church - so what if we get out at noon?The kids also dug up the leftover carrots from the garden from last year and fed them to the horses. I do love having the horses back there - just not when they eat my trees!!! The warm weather is so nice - can't wait to go fishing tomorrow!

Adoption

Sometimes I'm not sure what to write on here and what not to write when it comes to our process of adoption. Our adoptions are pretty open, and luckily for us - our birth mothers are okay with us sharing our experiences on here. They really are so very incredible! But as far as searching for the next little family member to join our family - it's hard to say what to share and what to save for my journal. Adoption is always on my mind - always. It isn't the bad kind of being on my mind like something nagging at you, but more like the peaceful sort of underlying sweet miracle that has effected every part of my life, how I view the world and who I am. Does that make sense to anyone else?

Hema and I know that our family is not yet complete. We aren't sulking or wasting the time we have with the 2 sweeties we have now, but we know there we aren't done. As we pray and attend the temple and talk, we feel a great hope to press forward - that other little ones are prodding us forward in this journey - anxious to join our family.

We have been approved with LDS Family Services for baby #3 for just over a year now. We were approved last April. In that time our profile has been viewed 926 times, our photos viewed 173 times, our get to know you page 74 times and our contact us information had been viewed 32 times.

Those are pretty interesting numbers, but I try not to get caught up in the numbers - because we are only really waiting for one, the one who will read our profile and feel like she already knows us, but wants to know us better. The one who will wonder how on earth she will ever be able to place her sweet child for adoption, yet feel that it is right all at the same time. The one who will share a special bond with us that others will never be able to understand. The one who will pray and ponder and decide that the sweet little one that she is carrying and loving will be part of our family. That is the one we are waiting for, our next sweet birth mother.

Recently we have been blessed to have met some truly incredible people on this journey. We are grateful to share our experiences and feelings about adoption with them. If we can comfort or help a young mother in any way, we will always try to do so. We love them already - for even considering adoption and know that the decision is so huge. We love them no matter what they chose to do. We do not feel stressed out about what the outcome will be - because we know that the decision to place is not ours. We understand that our Father in Heaven is very aware of each of us and He will guide our little Spirits to our family when the time is right - it cannot be rushed or forced. We just feel so very blessed to meet incredible people, to get to know them and pray for them and love them, to be reminded again of the amazing love that parents have for their children - even when the pregnancy was unplanned, and to make our way along this journey that adoption is. It truly is a miracle and we are so grateful to be blessed to be part of it!

Snowbird

We stayed up at the Cliff Club at Snowbird the week before Mothers Day. We go up every year at that time because Hema has a conference up there. In all honesty, we used to go there over Mothers Day because I needed something fun to do to take my mind off of Mothers Day. It was a hard day for me - and it happened to be when Hema had the conference and that was just a convenient coincidence. Now that we have kids - we go because of Hema's conference and the tradition we have of being there for the past 12 years. We have so much fun relaxing and being away from the busy every day life. I really had a get away since I forgot that I had put my cell phone in my sweatshirt pocket and it only found it after it had gone through the wash! No phone for a week was interesting. Anyway - here are some pictures:It snowed like crazy Saturday night. I think it was 18 inches in 12 hours. We were planning to drive sown for church Sunday morning, but got snowed in. Vela plying in the water. Hema in the pool.

This was the best part!! Seeing the kids have fun together. They are such good friends. I am so grateful for them!!!

Best of Sunday

I had a fabulous Mothers Day. The highlights were:

- Church - I used to dread going to church on Mothers Day. It was such an emotional day for me. I still bawl - just now they are happy tears!

-Dinner and FHE with the Katoa Family - We always have such a great time. It was especially nice to spend time with Mom Katoa on Mothers Day. She gave us all some great advice. She is a wise woman! (My mom is in California with Jen - missed you mom!!)

I like this picture with some of the grand kids singing mothers day songs for Grandma! I'm not sure why they all have their arms folded! So cute!

-We got to hang out with Katie - Hema's sweet birth momma is so awesome! And beautiful both inside and out!!! We had a great time and gave her a few Mothers Day presents. We like to let Hema help choose what to get her, but of course he doesn't pick everything. I just don't know what she would do with all Batman stuff! He did choose to get her a gift card to Olive Garden (his favorite restaurant) and then was disappointed that he isn't the one eating there! So funny.

I loved this picture with Katie and Vela. Vela loves Katie and wants to snuggle her every second. We sure are grateful that Katie is part of our lives!

Hope your Mothers Day was great too! I swear I am going to post about Snowbird soon - just been busy!

Mothers Day

I am so grateful for my 2 mothers.

My mom is an example to me in every way. She is the most spiritual woman I know. I never got away with anything that I did wrong growing up. Somehow, she knew the second I looked her in the eye. There were many, many times in life that I have made a better choice just because I knew that I would have to face her eventually and didn't want to disappoint her. Thanks mom for being so patient and always seeing the best in me and my potential, especially when I didn't see it myself. I hope to be that same kind of mother to my own children.

(My mom with me. I think my mom is so pretty. And you gotta love that hair!)

I also am so very grateful for the mother who raised my dear husband. I do not use the word mother-in-law - she is my mother. I couldn't ask for more kindness and acceptance from her. Despite the fact that I am highly opinionated and at times fairly strong headed, she loves me and has always treated me as her daughter. She is so very talented and raised a son who treats me like a queen. She really is awesome!

(I really love this old picture of her! There aren't a lot of pictures of her before she came from Tonga. This was around the time Hema was born. She is such a beauty!)

Today I am also so grateful for Katie and Chelise and that I get to be a mother myself because of them. They are not just birth mothers - they are the first mothers of my children. They are mothers in every sense of the word and I love them!

I cannot go through a Mother's Day without remembering those many years of pain and longing to be a mother. I pray for all women today. Especially those who wish they were married, or that they had children, or maybe more children, or have lost children or have other heartache in their lives related to this overwhelming desire to nurture and love and fulfill what we as women are here on this earth to do. I love in the Relief Society declaration where is says that we, "Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood." I am so very grateful for the increased understanding I have as a mother because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that each of our hearts can be healed through the gospel.

I am so grateful to be the mother of Hema and Vela. I love them more than I can express in words. I strive to be better each day for them. Even though I am so imperfect - I pray that they will be better than me. They bring me so much joy. I am so blessed and so grateful - yet there is still longing. And I still pray for those sweet children that I hope will one day join my family. That will one day call me mother. I pray that there will be more and that at some point in this life, I will feel like my family is complete. That my heart will be completely full and I will not feel like something is still missing. But for now, I will celebrate what I have. I am a mother. I am so very blessed!

Birth Mothers Celebration Walk

We went to a fun Birth Mothers Celebration this morning in Provo. We wish our sweet birth mommas could have been there. The kids had a lot of fun. Their favorite part was the parachute. Daddy loved it too!Hema loved popping out of the middle of it.

Vela loved being inside of it.

Cosmo the Cougar was even there. Go BYU! Don't tell Hema, but I am secretly hoping that the kids will follow me and go to BYU!

Cosmo giving the kids candy should help motivate them to love BYU right??

Our neighbors the McCuistions were there too!
The kids had a lot of fun. Even though they don't look like they were having fun in this picture with Porter and Kyah. I think it was the sun in their eyes.

And again the sun here??

Speaking of sun. I hesitate to even post this for fear that my sister Marilee will refuse to offer any sympathy someday if I get skin cancer. But man I got fried up at Snowbird. My shoulders are killing! I know that I do this every year. It's just that it isn't even hot and I forget to put on sunblock and then we have so much fun swimming that I don't realize we have been in the sun for nearly 4 hours. And then - it is too late.

Sorry skin - please don't turn into cancer! Oh, and please stop burning!

Birth Mothers Day

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. A day I never knew existed before adopting. A day to celebrate the selfless act of two women I love beyond words. A day to celebrate what made me a mom - adoption. I love the women who carried my babies for nine months, went through tough deliveries, tended and loved and kissed these sweet new babies that they love so much throughout their hospital stays and then went home empty handed - so that we could go home with our arms and hearts full. Words are insufficient to describe this kind of sacrifice - this kind of love. The bond between myself and them is forever. Different than sisters, friends, family... somehow almost a deeper level. They gave me something that I had longed for more than anything else in this life .... that no one else could give me .... I could never forget them .... I could never repay that gift. I think about them constantly. Worry about them. Hope for all the best for them. Love them. They are on my mind so very often. Many times a day. In every prayer. Nearly every time I look into the faces of my children. I see all of the best of these women in my children. I am so grateful for that. I am so blessed by open adoption.

I LOVE you Katie and Chelise!!! Happy Birth Mothers Day!!! And to all of you other amazing birth mothers out there, I hope each of you understands how very loved you are today.

Katie with Hema at the hopsital.

Chelise with Vela at the hospital.