Contentment

It seems like last year was a crazy one for our family - full of some big changes and decisions. One of the hardest decisions we have ever made was to pull our adoption file from LDS Family services and no longer be actively trying to adopt. (We of course will always be open consider another adoption of someone were to come to us.) I can honestly say that I never thought I would ever in this lifetime feel like our family was complete and that I thought I would always feel a little cheated that I didn't get the big family I had always dreamed of. But somehow, Heavenly Father healed my heart and the aching and wanting and emptiness and deep painful sorrow went away and it was filled with other things instead. It was filled with good things. My heart was filled with the 3 sweetest little children that could ever come to a family.  My heart was filled with three of the most amazing women I have ever known  - my children's birth mothers. They are dear and strong and courageous and amazing and we love them. Before we adopted I never knew that I could love a "stranger" so much, so fast and so fully and never would a day pass that I wouldn't think of them and be thankful for them and pray for them. My heart was filled with birth fathers and birth families and so much love that comes from open adoption. My heart was filled with gratitude for great sacrifices made so that I could be a mother. My heart was filled with laughter and tears and quiet moments of reading and snuggling with precious little ones who are growing up too fast. My heart was filled with the word "mom" that is called out so many times every hour of the waking day - and even now it beats just a bit faster each time I hear that word and know that it is me - I am finally mom. My heart was filled with so much good and joy and love and peace and most of all with contentment. 

One day I just woke up and realized that it was enough. My family is here and it is enough. When I think about it, it even seems like we got more than our share, so much more than we could have ever hoped for back in those dark days that family was just a word that I longed for. And as Hema and I discussed it, we knew that we were done trying to grow our family through adoption. 

So today as I logged onto this blog for the first time in nearly a year and saw the old adoption links, I decided it is time to catch up and start blogging again. 

Stay tuned for lots of pictures and updates...